Everyone is scarred. We have
them like secret road maps of our personal histories and diagrams of our old wounds. Every time I look at my left arm, I'm reminded
of Buckie and Belly… my bunnies, they were the stars of my evenings
(RIP). Some wounds don't heal, we carry them with us everywhere and
though the cut's long gone, the pain still lingers. What's worse, new
wounds which are so horribly painful or old wounds that should've healed
years ago and never did? Maybe our old wounds teach us something. They
remind us where we've been and what we've overcome. They teach us lessons
about what to avoid in the future. That's what we like to think but
that's not the way it is, is it? According to my father, "the thing
that brings a man down is the same over and over again". I can
verify that statement, I grew up with the most amazing and incredibly
smart man but he wouldn't keep off the bottles. So, I came to conclusion
that some things we just have to learn over and over and over again.
Deny, deny, deny! We deny everything; we deny that we're tired, we deny that we're scared, we deny how badly we want to succeed and the most preposterous is how we deny that we're in denial. We only see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe, and it works. We lie to ourselves so much that after a while the lies start to seem like the truth. We deny so much that we can't recognize the truth right in front of our faces… no, we recognize it but how can we accept that we're wrong after being so right in denial? The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon; it doesn't protect us or make us untouchable, it makes us vulnerable, available for criticism, persuasion and temptation . We can only lie to ourselves for so long, we are tired, we are scared but denying it doesn't change the facts. You cannot fight the devil with a demon!
Pain, it comes in all forms. The small twinge like a cramp, a bit of soreness, the random pains you don't notice till you touch them like a rug burn, the normal pains that we live with everyday. Then there's the kind of pain you can't ignore, a level of pain so great that it blocks out everything else; makes the rest of your world fade away until all you can think about is how much you hurt and how everyone else in the world is so different from you. How we manage our pain is up to us. We can anesthetize- drink it all away until we become comfortably numb and can no longer feel ourselves or embrace and ride it out with comforting support from loved ones or we can simply pray and hope the greater forces will help us push through it.
At the end of the day, when it comes down to it- reality, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distances and pretend not to care about one another, it's usually a load of bull. We choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to remain close by… a phone call or a PING!!! away at least. No matter how much we hurt them, they stick around- those are the ones worth keeping. Sure, sometimes close can be too close, like when you mistakenly throw on your best friend's underwear or when you go through your boyfriend's messages but sometimes, that invasion of personal space, can be exactly what you need.
Deny, deny, deny! We deny everything; we deny that we're tired, we deny that we're scared, we deny how badly we want to succeed and the most preposterous is how we deny that we're in denial. We only see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe, and it works. We lie to ourselves so much that after a while the lies start to seem like the truth. We deny so much that we can't recognize the truth right in front of our faces… no, we recognize it but how can we accept that we're wrong after being so right in denial? The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon; it doesn't protect us or make us untouchable, it makes us vulnerable, available for criticism, persuasion and temptation . We can only lie to ourselves for so long, we are tired, we are scared but denying it doesn't change the facts. You cannot fight the devil with a demon!
Pain, it comes in all forms. The small twinge like a cramp, a bit of soreness, the random pains you don't notice till you touch them like a rug burn, the normal pains that we live with everyday. Then there's the kind of pain you can't ignore, a level of pain so great that it blocks out everything else; makes the rest of your world fade away until all you can think about is how much you hurt and how everyone else in the world is so different from you. How we manage our pain is up to us. We can anesthetize- drink it all away until we become comfortably numb and can no longer feel ourselves or embrace and ride it out with comforting support from loved ones or we can simply pray and hope the greater forces will help us push through it.
At the end of the day, when it comes down to it- reality, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distances and pretend not to care about one another, it's usually a load of bull. We choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to remain close by… a phone call or a PING!!! away at least. No matter how much we hurt them, they stick around- those are the ones worth keeping. Sure, sometimes close can be too close, like when you mistakenly throw on your best friend's underwear or when you go through your boyfriend's messages but sometimes, that invasion of personal space, can be exactly what you need.
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