Have you ever confused a dream with real life? Or faced a reality you had imagined, the exact same way? Or shoplifted when you could afford the piece? Or felt like your mind stopped working because you feel your strength subdued by a familiar aura? Maybe I'm crazy, but aren't we all freaks? Maybe it's 2011 and it was designed to happen this way. Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret, it's a character amplified. if you've ever told a lie and delighted in it, if you think stabbing people is funny to watch, if you say "like" every 3 words you speak during a conversation, if you've ever cried your eyes out because of someone else's loss, if you've ever partied all week non-stop, through a year. And friends, they were not perfect but I "loved" them, present tense applies also. Some I've seen, some never again but there isn't a day my mind doesn't wander to them. Managed to get on the other side, trust me everything you see and hear from this place is ridiculous. The good thing is I've made space for new things to fill in. I'm happy, I've tasted extreme… I know what it's like to want to die, how it can hurt sometimes to smile, how you hurt yourself on the outside to suffocate a thing on the inside and how to exist without a plan.
I was very sick around January this year, doctor advised I visited a psychologist because I was diagnosed of nothing but Paranoia, what I didn't tell anyone was that I actually did. After two sessions, she diagnosed me of Borderline Personality Syndrome. It's an instability of self-image, relationships and moods caused by uncertainty of goals and may lead to impulsive activities that are self-damaging like drugs, excessive intake of alcohol and casual sex. The first question I asked her was "what kind of sex isn't casual?", she also said social contrariness, withdrawal and a generally pessimistic attitude would be observed. I thought she was a joke, last one I attended was January 3rd when I tried to prove that I wasn't crazy, only a little sick. I found my way to therapy when I found a church... let's not concern you with the rest of the story.
My name is … well, I am Babe Ruthless. If a person can be defined, here goes: girl with abandonment issues, funky child, into pink but would rather do yellow, clumsy by nature, extreme somebody, lover of Shakespeare and music, somewhat selfish, supporter of world peace, kind of conceited (I often pray about it), errm… I can't remember the rest. When you want to become numb, death can seem like a dream but death- having the courage to face it and to careless about it's existence makes dreaming about it ludicrous and pathetic. I drifted from this world and all I can say now is I can now feel things again. whatever it was, I got over it using this place to talk and reading about God and trusting Him. These words are just thoughts, who knows… maybe I'm a liar but I went a little crazy to regain my sanity. I totally deserve a hug :)
I was very sick around January this year, doctor advised I visited a psychologist because I was diagnosed of nothing but Paranoia, what I didn't tell anyone was that I actually did. After two sessions, she diagnosed me of Borderline Personality Syndrome. It's an instability of self-image, relationships and moods caused by uncertainty of goals and may lead to impulsive activities that are self-damaging like drugs, excessive intake of alcohol and casual sex. The first question I asked her was "what kind of sex isn't casual?", she also said social contrariness, withdrawal and a generally pessimistic attitude would be observed. I thought she was a joke, last one I attended was January 3rd when I tried to prove that I wasn't crazy, only a little sick. I found my way to therapy when I found a church... let's not concern you with the rest of the story.
My name is … well, I am Babe Ruthless. If a person can be defined, here goes: girl with abandonment issues, funky child, into pink but would rather do yellow, clumsy by nature, extreme somebody, lover of Shakespeare and music, somewhat selfish, supporter of world peace, kind of conceited (I often pray about it), errm… I can't remember the rest. When you want to become numb, death can seem like a dream but death- having the courage to face it and to careless about it's existence makes dreaming about it ludicrous and pathetic. I drifted from this world and all I can say now is I can now feel things again. whatever it was, I got over it using this place to talk and reading about God and trusting Him. These words are just thoughts, who knows… maybe I'm a liar but I went a little crazy to regain my sanity. I totally deserve a hug :)
((((hug!!)))
ReplyDeleteSweets a very big hug indeedd!!!! This happens to almost everyone,and the only solution to sanity is God indeed. Muah.nice u shared.
ReplyDelete