Doodles... in words.

"There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at crossroads. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. And, of course when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back", quoting myself from a previous post, this is me now. Someone once said that death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. I could tell you who said it, but who the heck cares. I just tell myself to be happy but I don’t feel happy, I don't want to be happy. And when I try against my will to change it, when I try to remember what being happy felt like, I can’t. I don’t feel joy. I don’t feel inspired. I just feel numb. It all feels so fake, y'know? This idea that good things happen to good people. That there’s magic in the world, and that the meek and the righteous will inherit it. Too many good people suffer for that to be true. Too many prayers go unanswered. And every day it gets worse. Every day we ignore how truly broken this world is, and we tell ourselves it’s all going to be okay but it’s not going to be okay. Once you understand that, you'll see how affected you are . There’s no magic in the world… at least today there isn’t. I was thinking about the finality of it all – how someone can leave your world in the blink of an eye and be gone forever. It’s too enormous to think about. It’s too hard. And then you’re just supposed to go on, like you’re supposed to just deal with it? Or are you only supposed to be sad for as long as the flowers last and then go back to telling jokes and reminiscing about the old days. I don’t have any jokes to tell, in fact I hope I don’t hear any joke about it for as long as I live because those days are gone, nothing can bring them back, no amount of laughter can wear the emotional scars out, only bring back stale memories of awesome, abandoned moments. In my subconscious, I'm stunned and paralyzed with terror. I don't know and I cannot explain and even if I knew, I don't want to share but this is what I can assure; The heart knows reason which reason does not know.