Doodling in the dark...

they say it is what it is
but how did what it is become?
just suppose that the shaping of destiny
is our destiny
would you conclude that we bring it upon ourselves?
then we have to stay alive
to see how it ends?


i wish so much for a happy ending
but i don't have the wisdom to seek it
i don't have the emotional strength to believe in it
when i close my eyes to dream
there's so much pain underneath my chest
so much it conquers the strength of my hope
and faith in love.


my sunshine
my morning bird
my goodnight's kiss
my morning bliss
how could you?


do we live in the physical world we can touch
or do we live in the world we create in our mind?
what's the line between delusional and romantic?
if there's one thing I've learnt from the heartbreaks
suicide attempts and sleepless nights
it's that im not interested in dying.

You know...

our friendship has shown me

that i have a capacity

to receive equal,
if not greater than,
that from which i give.

i had never trusted anyone
enough to let my guard down.
i expected failure,
so when it came,
it could not disappoint.
every time it came,
though expected,
the accompanying pain was not.

not only has the source
of my expectations changed,
but what i expect has changed.
more importantly,
who i am has changed.

the foundation of who i was
has been steadied by who i am.

the fragile glass through which
i looked longingly
has been tempered
and now offers protection
from the elements
and clarity of vision.

the power of a friend whose love
transcends space and time,
is unparalleled to anything
this earth has to offer.

if the universe has so blessed you,

thank her.
if you find yourself lacking one

who has touched your life
in this manner,

seek her.

i did and Her answer was...

just what i needed

You win

as much of me
as there is to see,
you look at me
and still don't see
who i am

as much about me
as there is to know,
you've yet to scratch
the surface though

you're scared to come in,
too curious to stay out

you know there's more
than meets the eye
but are you
man enough
to find out?

are you willing
to defy
having society
to decry
the choice
you would make
if my hand
you did take
and made
me
more...

or would you
front (for sure)
knowing there is
no cure?

because once
under your skin,
inevitable would be
my win

so while you contemplate
where to begin
patiently i wait
with a grin

while you plot,
the life lesson
you plan
to teach,
i've already written
my victory speech

it wasn't a game you see,
but if it was
for sure
you win.