The Unaccompanied Minor

I'm proud to say another sister of mine is getting married, she's absolutely excited about the new life she has accepted. I think that love is the greatest thing that can happen to anyone, finding that one person that understands every word you cannot say, every pain you feel and promises to always be there. What can't you do with a buddy who believes in you? What can't you achieve if they continue to believe in you not regarding your "deficiencies"? You don't know this, but loneliness is underrated… or maybe you do.



One of my hardest lesson, still learning, is how to prioritize. I'm the boss at making foolish, spontaneous decisions, especially when I want something very badly. But I never made a spontaneous decision about love, oh wait.. I have, one time I made a quick exit, but it's not one I wish I didn't. I don’t know why I did it but today, I can recognize that events back then were part of a lifelong pattern in which thinking and doing have either come together or failed to come together, even though I've never done things I had not decided to do- I know, that was gibberish, but you follow. I like the idea of love, I'm a sucker for love related cry movies and Danielle Steel books. But somehow I carry around this silly thought that people are better off alone, no reasons to lie or apologize or explain or worry about stretch marks.



Biology determines much of the way we live. From the moment we're born we know how to breathe and eat. As we grow older, new instincts kick in. We learn from our parents, we become territorial, we seek protection… And most important of all, we reproduce. My sister is about to alter her DNA, maybe not but it sure feels like. She not going to be my sister anymore, she's going to be my sister mixed up with some weird DNA. She's going to have new traditions, new long standing and specific practices… Biology sucks! Biology says that we are who we are from birth, that our DNA is set in stone. Unchangeable. Life changes us. We develop new traits, become less territorial, we stop competing, we learn from our mistakes. We face our greatest fears, for better or worse- we find ways to change our biology. The risk, of course, is that we can change too much, to the point we don't know ourselves. Finding a way back can be difficult… wait, who said anything about "finding a way back" out of love?



I always said I'd be happier alone, like the unaccompanied minor. I'd have my work, my friends and my daughter as my candy and chocolaty treats but someone in my life all the time, like parents? More trouble than it's worth... hey, I got over it. There's a reason I said I'd be happier alone, it was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone because what if you learn that you need love and then you can't have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain… again? Losing love is like organ damage or like dying. The only difference is death ends, shattered love? It can go on forever. But it's better to have someone, even if it hurts, even if it's the most painful thing you have to do, even if it's the most painful thing you've ever had to do. Everything is a lot easier if you have someone