Dear Twentee5, you know I used to think that true love is the only thing that can crush my heart. The
thing that will take my life and light it out. Or destroy it. Then, I become a mother. At first, I didn't really understand the responsibilities and privileges until recently. A lot of times one has to step outside the person they've always been to remember the person they are meant to be. The person they are. I've never really given the matter of whether or not I'll be successful much thought. It's not one of the problems I have and I'm not bragging like I'm the heir to a multi- million dollar estate or anything like that. It just has never been in my top 50 greatest fears and still isn't. Honestly, one time I lost faith in myself and it turned out to be a good thing. I've always been so confident in knowing I can conquer the world alone, who was I kidding? How can I plan a tomorrow without the support of the "Giver of Life"? In the summary of James 4: 13-16, the Good Book says it will happen "if the Lord wills". Just in case you're wondering, the fear of being abandoned is my greatest fear. It's number 1-20 on my top 50 greatest fears... you know, different interpretations but same meaning. According to statistics, there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world, give or take a few. Some are
running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through
the day. Others are just facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war
with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Over six billion people
in the world, six billion souls and all you need is one. I mean, where do you even begin?
I was wondering at why people have suddenly become frequent complainers. Why people are most excited during the weekends and why trend has become so cool. The depth of my thought led me to what I want to call "serial ideologue". My mind roamed from love, to change, to why we feel the need to overcome change and many other stuff I'm too embarrassed to share. When people say things like "people don't change" it drives me crazy because, as one that worshiped at the alter of science, change is literally the only constant thing. Energy. Matter. It's always changing, morphing, merging, growing, dying. It's the way people try not to change that's unnatural. The way we cling to what things we are instead of letting things be what they are. The way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones. The way we insist on believing despite every scientific and spiritual indication that anything in this lifetime is permanent. Change is constant. How we experience change that's up to us. It can feel like death or it can feel like a second chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it, it can feel like pure adrenaline. Like at any moment we can have another chance at life. Like at any moment, we can be born all over again.
What I've realized is that the moment you decide to analyze and attempt to make sense out of life, you'll end up with a lot of questions you cannot take eternity to find answers to. I sincerely want to be more than just happy, I want to live everyday in utter joy and gladness from my belly. So I made a promise to stop complaining and start appreciating. For truth, responsibility has become a huge part of my life that I always expect it to be there. I cannot remember a time in my life when it wasn't there. What I forget is how ordinary my life would be without these responsibilities. What would I be living for, myself? I know there are a lot of people like me who often feel like nobody appreciates their efforts, all they do is give give give and nobody even cares to stop and ask "how are you?" because they want honest answers. I would encourage you like I do myself, do not let your fire go out spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all else you kill the hero in your soul and rot in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. This may just be me talking to myself again but you should be self-inspired to enjoy everyday in gratitude. Are you so special that the "Giver of Life" decided to spare you one more day? The mind that dreams sees clearly, ahead. The world you desire, that persistent dream, can be won. It exists. It is real. It is possible.
I was wondering at why people have suddenly become frequent complainers. Why people are most excited during the weekends and why trend has become so cool. The depth of my thought led me to what I want to call "serial ideologue". My mind roamed from love, to change, to why we feel the need to overcome change and many other stuff I'm too embarrassed to share. When people say things like "people don't change" it drives me crazy because, as one that worshiped at the alter of science, change is literally the only constant thing. Energy. Matter. It's always changing, morphing, merging, growing, dying. It's the way people try not to change that's unnatural. The way we cling to what things we are instead of letting things be what they are. The way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones. The way we insist on believing despite every scientific and spiritual indication that anything in this lifetime is permanent. Change is constant. How we experience change that's up to us. It can feel like death or it can feel like a second chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it, it can feel like pure adrenaline. Like at any moment we can have another chance at life. Like at any moment, we can be born all over again.
What I've realized is that the moment you decide to analyze and attempt to make sense out of life, you'll end up with a lot of questions you cannot take eternity to find answers to. I sincerely want to be more than just happy, I want to live everyday in utter joy and gladness from my belly. So I made a promise to stop complaining and start appreciating. For truth, responsibility has become a huge part of my life that I always expect it to be there. I cannot remember a time in my life when it wasn't there. What I forget is how ordinary my life would be without these responsibilities. What would I be living for, myself? I know there are a lot of people like me who often feel like nobody appreciates their efforts, all they do is give give give and nobody even cares to stop and ask "how are you?" because they want honest answers. I would encourage you like I do myself, do not let your fire go out spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all else you kill the hero in your soul and rot in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. This may just be me talking to myself again but you should be self-inspired to enjoy everyday in gratitude. Are you so special that the "Giver of Life" decided to spare you one more day? The mind that dreams sees clearly, ahead. The world you desire, that persistent dream, can be won. It exists. It is real. It is possible.
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